Firdous-e- Kashmir

Firdous-e- Kashmir

I have grown up watching movies in which most of their hit romantic songs were filmed in lush green Kashmir valley. During my school days, I had read the famous lines by Jahangir about the paradise on earth, Kashmir. I had a very strong desire to visit Kashmir since my childhood and to see the paradise while I am alive. But whenever I expressed my desire to visit it, my family was terrified. They thought it could not be a strong desire; it should be only the ‘last desire’.

In last ten years, I got chance to travel to 14 Indian states and 6 US states. I went closer to Kashmir twice but could not hug it as I returned back from Jammu after paying obeisance at the Vaishno Devi shrine. I had wished to go to Kashmir for my honeymoon. But that wish could not materialize as my wedding dates got postponed and I had to cancel my flights to Srinagar. But if you have a desire and that too a strong one, then the whole world tries to help you to achieve it. Sep, 2014 proved to be the worst month for Kashmiris in their recent history after the exodus of Kashmiri Pundits from Kashmir. Around 80% of Kashmir was submerged due to flood waters of Jhelum. At the same period, I came to know of ‘Spicejet’ cheap domestic air tickets offer. My strong old desire started jumping again. The low fares from Delhi to Srinagar helped me to book the advanced tickets, seven months before the actual date of departure. An alert signal was dissipated to my family. News of terror, floods and flurry of family concerns started to rock me. But I stood firm and so was my wife.

Finally the month of excitement and expectations came. I started searching hotels and places to visit near Srinagar. But with just ten days to travel, news of flash floods and terror again started making news in various national channels. The release of separatist leader Masrat Alam had made Kashmir’s ambience vitriolic.

Family members not only on my side but my wife side too, were worried about our upcoming almost ‘suicidal’ journey. But I was optimistic as well as strongly committed for the journey. The ‘D’ day came and we boarded our flight to travel to the paradise. We landed at Srinagar airport which was not a big one but a chilled one. The water was cold and air was chilling. The feeling of insecurity and uneasiness gripped us once we came out of airport. The roads were deserted amid heavy deployment of security forces. The separatist leaders had called for ‘bandh’ to protest the arrest of Masrat Alam.  Gun totting security personnel were at every hundred meters. A sense of fear gripped us as if something was wrong in the place. We were getting a kind of negative vibes.  Talking to the middle aged driver of our cab, we got some glimpses of internal politics of Kashmir.

Finally we reached our hotel situated near Dal Lake. We could see only few faces on the road as well as in the hotel. My wife was scared and uneasy. Twice I went out of hotel to the main road but did not get confidence to move out. We had delicious lunch at the hotel. The lunch gave enough impetus to me to go to the main market and to arrange an auto for sightseeing at areas nearby Dal Lake. At the main market near Dal Lake, I was the only person outside of J&K state. Everyone had eyes on me but it did not deter me to show my bargain skills with auto drivers. After fifteen minutes of vigorous discussion, finally we reached a settlement.

 First on travel list was Shalimar garden. We saw lots of faces there, not only from J&K but from other states too. We were relaxed and happy to see this. Flowers, tall chinar trees dated 300 – 400 years old, fountains and old monuments were the few features of Shalimar garden. But I noticed an interesting thing there. I saw mothers with their daughters having picnic without their husbands or sons. There were many such examples. We were delighted to see them enjoying and hanging out. Nishat garden was not much different although it was an elevated garden and in front of Dal lake. We moved to Tulip garden which is Asia’s biggest Tulip garden. There were tulips of all colors: black, yellow, orange etc. It was much crowded as Tulip festival was going on that time. Then in the evening we landed at Dal Lake. The temptation of taking the Shikara ride was irresistible. As the tourist season had not reached its peak, we got the ride at reasonable cost. It was a plush and cozy double bed floating on the waters of Dal Lake. Soon we realized, there was a kind of township floating above the lake. Sellers pitched in with their goods on boats. They were selling jewelry, spices, fruits, vegetables, Saffron (jafraan in Kashmiri), Kashmiri tea ( Kahwa) etc. Kashmiri grows vegetables on the ‘soil bed’; they had skillfully made over the dal lake. Houseboats are proper hotels. Shops on the dal lakes sell carpets, woolen clothes, shawls, rations, dry fruits etc. After two hours ride on Shikara, we finally came to shore and then to our hotel. We finished the exciting day with the delicious dinner at our hotel.

The weather was pleasant next morning. It was a big relief from the sultry heat of Delhi. The rear windows of our hotel room opened to the beautiful sight of clouds covered mountains and sun coming out behind them. I took the opportunity to see how Kashmiris start their morning. I came out of hotel and started strolling on the road. I found mid aged women taking their morning walk but with their heads covered with scarf always. The influence of Islamic culture is palpable at every place. Students from different aged groups mainly girls were waiting for their school buses outside their houses. It was a good omen for the future of Kashmir as girls have started going to school. I moved few meters ahead and reached the market. Few shops had opened. Vegetable shops were also selling a special kind of bread. I saw people taking breads from them. I asked the shopkeeper, the reason behind the popularity of the bread. He said that the local people used to eat bread with their morning tea. I also took two pieces of bread which look similar to crispy salty tandoori roti and tasted it with tea. It had a different but good taste.

Suddenly the weather took the turn and it started to rain. We had to curtail our planned visit of the day. We visited ‘Shankaracharya Temple’ where Adi Shankaracharya got ‘darshan’ of lord Shiva. There was a small cave like structure where Shankaracharya meditated around five hundred years back. Photography is strictly prohibited near the temple. It was one of the very few prominent temples at the valley. One could get bird’s eye view of Srinagar from the top of the Shanakaracharya hill. Next we reached chasme shahi, a garden on similar lines as Shalimar and Nishat garden. There was a natural fountain. During summer, it gives cold water and hot water in winter. The water of fountain is considered to have medicinal properties and it is good for digestive system of human body. Pundit Nehru is believed to consume the water from Chasme Shahi. The incessant rain forced us to settle down in hotel room for rest of the day and to enjoy ‘pyaz pakoda’ with tea.

I had already spent two days in Kashmir but had not got the nature’s heavy dose so far. The gardens were ok but they had not the potential to quench my thirst for nature’s beauty. I had not Kashmir just to see few gardens. After having discussion with the hotel manager, we decided to go to Pahalgam next morning. Our driver Nisar was well versed with the areas of valley. We started on our most hopeful journey. Our vehicle crossed the most controversial chowk of India, the lal chowk of Srinagar. We had heard a lot about the place, the masked youth pelting stones at security forces, protests etc. But thankfully there was nothing such thing except heavy traffic jam due to poor road and infrastructure partially destroyed by floods and partially by huge corruption prevailing in the valley. Moving few kilometers ahead, we saw ruins of Awantipura, once a kingdom built by an Oriya king, Awantipur Barman. The kingdom is believed to be remained buried under the debris after a devastating earthquake destroyed the kingdom around six hundred years back. The British are believed to have discovered it in 1920s. The ruins were still able to depict the old marvel of architecture and sculpture. Keeping the ruins under our memory layers, we moved ahead. We got opportunity to see battery of willow factories on our way to Pahalgam. Kashmir is the biggest supplier of willow bats to other parts of the country. I hope great batsman might also come from Kashmir. Few kilometers ahead were fields of saffron ( Zaffran ) at Pampore. Kashmir is believed to grow world’s best saffron in the world. Shopkeepers adjacent to fields gave us demo how to find out the difference between original and fake saffron. We were delighted to find that precious knowledge.

Finally we reached the Pahalgam district. The district is bestowed with god’s special blessings. The stream of cold water was coming from hills after the melting of snow. The stream was flowing over white and smooth stone boulders. The fields of yellow mustard adjacent to stream and lining of pine trees at the back of fields gave a picture perfect shot. It was almost what I could have dreamt of natural beauty. No tranquilizer can be more effective than nature’s beauty dose. It was difficult for me to say anything or even to move away from such a great sight. Few kilometers ahead were Baisaran foothills. Cars did not go up after that. We had to take pony to go to hill tops. It was a very costly deal despite it was just the start of tourist season. One person was handling two ponies. We were little scared the way pony was taking us through the edges of hills. But soon we realized they were trained and well aware of the hilly terrains. Talking to pony handler was a good fun. They work really hard but the pony owners don’t pay them properly. Exploitation of such people was rampant in Kashmir. There were five spots to be covered under the deal. There were crystal clear streams, top view of Pahalgam, snow covered hills etc. Finally we reached the star attraction of Baisaran hills, the mini Switzerland. It was really a grand sight. Lush green curvy landscapes circled within the pine trees and behind the pine trees were snow covered mountains. The place deserved the name. We sat there for half an hour and enjoyed the nature’s blessings. With no interest to go back, we started our journey down the hills. The ponies had become friendly to us and we were able to tread them without any resistance from them. With all the memories of pine, stream, snow covered hills, beautiful people, pony rides, plight of pony handlers and many more we came back to our hotel. Tomorrow morning we had to catch our flight back to Delhi. We had to reach Srinagar airport two hours before the actual departure time as there were many layers of security checks. My family was relieved once we reached Delhi but my mind was still wondering in Kashmir and I was thinking about the richness of blood stained Kashmir. Are Kashmir’s most powerful assets making it more vulnerable??

Attitude

Attitude

“Vinod Kambli was an exceptionally talented batsman than Sachin Tendulkar but Sachin’s attitude and work ethics made him great. The lack of it deprived Kambli of glory he was once worthy of.”

Harsha Bhogle said the above lines at an IIM seminar.

“No politician was haunted by media as much as Narendra Damodar Modi. For 13 years, they chased him like ghost but see who is prime minister of India today?? He did not reply much to media’s persistent campaign against him. But he showed them his power by his actions. It is attitude.

He gave seven flop films in a row and survived in the maximum city of India without hailing from a cinema clan. Finally he emerged as Bollywood superstar. He was none other than Amitabh Bachaan. Not only during his early career stage but even when his company ABCL boomeranged into financial losses, he passed it successfully and maintained his high stature in the tinsel town. How and why??

It is attitude. It is attitude to combat, to fight and to fight unto death.

A 12^th man of Indian cricket team refused to bring water bottles to field during an international cricket match. He was not selected in the team for 4 years. He made a comeback with a debut century at the Mecca of cricket, Lords. He became one of the most successful cricket captains. He is Saurav Ganguly. The attitude he carried was vigorously percolated into the team and the team found its lost self-confidence under his captaincy and brought many glories to the country.

Not only those who became very famous, have attitude. There are many who carry and show their attitude through their actions in their respective lives. The mother of the late Nitish Katara, fought for the justice of her son’s death and got many powerful perpetrators of the crime inside the prison. She had the determination and attitude to fight. There are many RTI activists and social workers who have brought smile to many faces in their region through their steel like determination. Few of them gained media’s glare while other’s continued their job without much fanfare. There were many small town kids who dreamt of achieving excellence in their lives in spite of many obstacles. They did not only dream but achieved it through their attitude. Mahendra Singh Dhoni is the prime example.

The attitude to look into challenges and strive to overcome them flows in blood. The same bloodline flows inside most of Indian youth who have zeal and a strong passion to take their country on the path of development. The same thing reflects in the attitude of the country. India was ruled by foreign powers for more than 800 years. The rulers even tried to impose their religion, language and lifestyle over the native citizens of India. But they were not successful. 82% of citizens remained Hindu. When the last ruler British, left India, the country still had 22 major languages and 1642 dialects. Most of the Indians still follow their age old traditions and rituals. It is not a trivial thing. Once I was talking to a Mexican colleague in Florida. I asked him what his mother tongue is. He said, “Spanish”. I was surprised. “What happened to your Mexican languages”, I asked. “Spain ruled us for four hundred years and when they left, we had lost all our native languages,” He replied. It was an eye opener answer for me. It made me proud of my country’s resilience powers. My chest expanded to 56 inch. A small town kid who barely knows how to speak English is earning in dollars in English speaking countries. There are not one or two such examples, they are in thousands.

With handful of resources and a blood stained partitioned country at the time of independence, we were importing wheat and rice from other countries. We had no car manufacturing units in the country. There were no import duties on Rolls Royce, Mercedes etc. Epidemics like plague, malaria, kalazar (leishmaniasis) were frequent and deadly in the country. Illiteracy and poverty were two common synonyms for India at international level. But the road was not closed for us. We accepted the grave challenges. Though the tunnel of progress was dark and long but there was light at the end. It was the same attitude which helped us to preserve our cultural identity in spite of 800 years of slavery.  The same attitude helped us to build one of the biggest armies of the world. We started green revolution and became self-reliant in food sufficiency. Small temples of modern India, dams and factories started to come up. The white revolution made us self-reliant in milk production. We were able to control deadly diseases. The effects of floods and drought were mitigated. Once cash strapped and debt laden country, we moved towards a handsome economic growth. The erstwhile snake charmers are moving computer mouse and I pads. Not only helicopters and aircrafts, we are capable to launch ‘chandrayan’ (mission to moon). Though we have miles to go before we rest but we are treading ahead.

Most of the facts mentioned above are already known to most of the readers in the current information bubbling society. The whole purpose of writing this article is to understand the importance of attitude. It is not just a word but a very powerful tool which shapes the personality and bloodline of not only individual but the society, the country. It is the attitude which takes you to sky and the lack of it can bring you to ground also. It is perfectly all right to sleep at night without food for a day or two but sleep with dignity, sleep with self-esteem. The more resilient you become, the higher you move.

Unheard Voices of Hapless Husbands

Unheard Voices of Hapless Husbands

“Yaar...My Life is finished! My wife abused my father and attacked him with knife in front of me. I cannot live with this lady anymore”. Cried Ravi, my childhood friend. I was stunned to hear this. Ravi married four years back to a post graduate lady. After initial peaceful few months, his life started moving towards hell. His quite literate wife started complaining about his parents for trifle reasons, then about his relatives. After a few days, complain turned into vociferous discussions like any session of parliament. Moreover, she started giving threats to him, for instance she will kill his parents; she will commit suicide; she will shout in public, she will go to police etc.

In order to appease her “Angry Young Lady”, Ravi settled to some other rented flat away from his old and ill parents. But this “donation” was not enough to pacify her. She continued bickering with Ravi. Now she added new items in her everlasting demand list like she would not cook, she spent money irrationally, she would send money to her parents regularly etc. She never stayed for more than 3 months in any rented house.

She continued to call her parent in laws and abused them. Ravi used to share his glum with me but what he shared last was beyond my imagination. How can his wife attack his father without any issue? All my sensitive nerves were jolted and heart rendered to look at the pathetic condition of Ravi. Ravi and smile were two inseparable things four years back. Now smile has been replaced permanently by sorrow. Ravi is looking for legal actions under Hindu Marriage Act 1955 to nullify his marriage and get rid of his “hurricane” wife.

Moved by my friend’s miserable condition, I did some research on internet related to Hindu Marriage Act. Under this act, there are nine grounds for bridegroom on the basis of which, he can file petition for divorce and brides have three more grounds besides these nine on the basis on which she can file petition for the divorce, including the famous IPC 498A which empowers women to make dowry charges against her husband and her family members.

When the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 came, the Hindu society was different especially the status of women. Women were considered as “abla nari” (weak women) or “sati-savitri” (devoted to husband) and for any marital quarrel, husband was considered the natural offender. The lady always had the sympathetic wave of society with her and still she enjoyed this emotional wave.

But now the time has changed and so the condition of woman, the so called “Abla Narri” is very “sabla” (strong) and “Sati-Savitri” character has also changed drastically. There are no dearth of evidence where male and his family are regularly, mentally as well as financially harassed by his wife with the help of IPC498A.

I am not denying the fact that women are not harassed by men and his family members for dowry and many different sorts of reasons. But now she has a law which when executed impartially can get her rid of her marriage. But What about those husbands who are tortured by their wives? What about those parents and families who had dreamt for the beautiful life of their wards? These husbands cannot even share their agony in open. They cannot even go to their relatives and elder society members for the solution of this inhuman torture. They will be considered weak, impotent and powerless. There are many husbands whose life is more miserable than Ravi. Their wives have more advanced ways of blackmailing them.

The suicidal threats or going to police with IPC498A in her armour, makes wives deadly. Husbands bear all these for the sake of respect of his family, for no further torture to his family members, in hope of a better future. But all these bearings go in vain and the vociferous lady becomes horrendous and one fine day, husband decides to get rid of her legally. But the current law does not have enough teeth to give a shy of relief to these tortured husbands who in fit of frustration attempts to kill their life. In view of changing society and changing status of women, grounds for divorce should be expanded to include:

1.      Marriage by force.

2.      Marriage by fraud.

3.      Harassment, torture and agony caused and rendered by girl’s parental and relative excessive interference and involvement aka Ekta Kapoor’s afternoon soap operas

4.      Marriage to a person who claims to be “Hindu”, “traditional”, “conservative” and “respectful” as quoted often on matrimonial websites but in reality is of undignified character.

5.      Marriage to women who has not attained complete womanhood, who cannot bear child.

In democracy, law is made to spread equality in society. Law is not made to embolden any section of society so much that they take undue advantage of the law to inflict torments on other sections of the same society. These hapless husbands’ agony must be heard. People like Ravi, has all right to live a peaceful and happy life even after marriage.